Remember the end of Monty Python's "Life of Brian"? The crucifixion scene where the three dudes are singing as they're hanging there? There's this big message about no matter how bleak things seem you just gotta keep your head up and stay optimistic.
Great message.
Doesn't work so well in real life. Come to think of it -- didn't turn out so well for Brian either, but that's another story.
We all get discouraged when we set out to accomplish a goal or realize a dream, and nothing could be tougher than trying to do it when you have reached an age where you begin to hear the tick-tick-tick of your mortal clock. One might begin to compromise on that dream or goal, setting the bar a little lower or deciding to take an easier path for the sake of expediency.
Let me throw in another famous British line: BOLLOCKS!!
I'm not saying this endeavor is going to be easy, please don't misunderstand. But the compromise -- the settling for less than what you REALLY want -- I don't think I'm ready to throw in the towel just yet. Especially this early in the process! That would be really sad.
But there are others to consider.
It has been said (by marriage counselors who gauge this sort of thing) that building or remodeling a home is one of the top causes of divorce among couples. Frustration builds: the endless waiting on (or looking for) people to return calls or quotes, the permits, fees, and restrictions/guidelines that must be followed to the letter. The actual WORK involved in building ... when one's body is not as young as one's mental attitude. The ambiguity of cost of this project when you have a finite budget; which leads to the conflict of going back to work to make more money for someone else to build your dream or staying home and being a full-time carpenter/scavenger to complete the dream yourself. (This begins a great argument in favor of cloning, but I don't want to open THAT door - lol)
And the endless house plans and revisions when one or the other has their heels dug in on THEIR plan or idea. Getting on the same page (literally) has to be one of the greatest challenges to homesteading and home building. Each of us plays around with square footage, porch space, location of rooms, storage versus windows, his domain/her domain, and countless other items that fall apart into the same old conversation ender: can we REALLY afford this? One invariably has the rose colored glasses ... the other: mud coated.
"Rosie" wants to start scavenging for wood, windows, screen doors; "Mudflats" points out the lack of storage space. One wants to look at mobile homes and the other doesn't. Someone says: "Maybe we should chuck it all and just go look for a house we can afford." Then the big question hits: is THIS place REALLY where we want to be or are supposed to be? Should we be looking in another part of the state? Another state? But what about the kids?
Whoa Nelly! Now we're talking about something totally different here. And again the nagging question: can we afford the search? Money becomes too big a determinate in this adventure. But without it, what can really get accomplished? Conundrum. Catch-22. Ironic (according to Alanis Morrisette's definition).
All this leads to an inertia ... a morass of disappointment, miscommunication, frustration, and depression. The brain becomes fogged in and nothing seems worth thinking about or working on anymore. Communication ends or dances around the subject because talking about "it" is painful and stands on the border of conflict and argument.
And nobody wants that.
So you wind up back at "BOLLOCKS". What happens after that when you find you and your spouse on different ends of the bollocks spectrum (inirtia versus full speed ahead)? There has to be some place to go, some to-do list in chronological order of how to get your homestead off the ground. I know, there are hundreds of books on building, homesteading, how-to for dummies or idiots (whichever catagory you feel you fit best), not to mention the magazines, websites, and YouTube videos. But all of this is so scattered and many of the writers are either clinical, cynical, or just talking about themselves personally instead of the "how-to-do-it-ness" that a novice like me desires.
Part of reaching that seasoned age (where the mortal clock ticks louder) is reaching the conclusion that I've compromised and lowered my expetations too many times in my early adult years. Wasted time. I should have ALWAYS been reaching for the best and expecting the best from myself and in fulfilling my goals and dreams. I quit taking second-best when I married the man I'd loved since the moment I first saw him 38 years ago. I just dug in my heels and made my stand. It hasn't been fairy-tale perfect for everyone, but between us its been pretty darn close! I didn't take second-best when I decided to go to college -- at 38, broke, abandoned by spouse and family, with two young ones in tow. I didn't quit when family members predicted I would be back "in six months with my tail between my legs." No! I dug my heels in and got two degrees and a great teaching career I'm still proud of today.
It wasn't always fun.
It wasn't always easy.
I got discouraged a lot.
I kept going.
BOLLOCKS to those who doubted me, hindered me, or collaborated to thwart me (that goes for the last excavator guy as well!). As the song says: I will survive! Heck! I DID survive! And on my own terms.
And so this crazy ramble may -- on the surface -- seem less about the homestead and more about personal matters. But isn't building a dream PERSONAL? Don't we all experience doubt, discouragement, frustration, and setbacks when we work a dream into a truly fulfilling reality? The only thing is NOT getting stuck in this emotional quicksand! Spend a day or two indulging the enormity and setbacks, then get off your butt and move on! Heck, I imagine this scenario will play itself out again a few times before we get a handle on the whole process and begin to see it through the same colored glasses: clear.
As long as our plan is solid and we're in agreement, all the rest is bollocks. I know there's a silver lining somewhere. In the meantime, I'll just keep singing and looking for the bright side.
Have a great weekend!
Next week's project: still looking for an excavator and septic tank company. Moon Landing Prevails!
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